Concert Addiction

In my 19 years of existence I have come to realize that the one thing I truly enjoy is a good live concert. To hear artists unleash my favorite tunes almost sends me into semi-delirium. It's just an escape, a way of letting go - good live music is priceless. Matchbox Twenty is the the concert I enjoyed the most, not because they were awesome live, but because I love their music. I knew every song and sung along all night long. Robbie Williams comes a close second. Besides enjoying his music, he knows how to get his crowd going. Iron Maiden rocked Dubai out. Ali can tell you more but we were in the first friggin' row and they just blew us away. Eddie, Maiden's mascot, walked in half way through and that was especially special in addition to the friggin Maiden tank which came on later.

My first ever concert was Bryan Adams. It was seventh grade and knowing his ballads made you cool then. Obviously, going to his concert was a must, and it was definitely worth the cool factor. His music is sing-along personified.

Ali, yet again, inspired me to go watch The Scorpions - the German rock legends that sing the Guitar-Hero-classic "Rock You Like A Hurricane". They, though, rocked us more like a rugged storm than anything else. I also saw Jethro Tull, a contemporary rock band, and Remo, an Indian singer, with Ali. Our stint together of watching concerts was only beginning. Dubai Desert Rock 2005 hit us next. We freaked out over the banshee-like band, The Darkness, and got squeezed to death during Machinehead. We laughed at the fake-Dubai-goths who hustled up in front when Within Temptation came on and laughed even more at a couple of local Dubai bands - Nerve Cell and Juliana Down. I remember one of those local Dubai guitarist tried breaking his guitar after "oh-too-cool" a performance, but the stage people stopped him. Dubai Desert Rock 2006 gave us a Testament to some classic and diverse rock. Junkyard Groove, an Indian band, was the first band to perform and they made me real proud of the music that was coming out of my conutry. Reel Big Fish, a random contemporary band, amused us because of this one visibly fat guy who sat on the stage sipping a drink, expressionless and bored, throughout the concert. They are now, three years later, taking over Harendra's life. Three Doors Down were at DDR 2006 too and that concert will largely be remembered for the on/off stage love affair that existed between their lead singer and my great friend/big three-doors-down-fan Tejas. Stone Sour were pretty awesome too. Corey Taylor is friggin solid. Megadeth headlined DDR 2006 - I don't remember much about them, I kinda slept through most of that. I honestly was exhausted.

There is one condition that needs to fulfilled in order for me to enjoy a concert - I need to know at least some of their music. I would have enjoyed The Prodigy, Mastadon, At The Gates and In Flames if I knew their music. I doubt I would ever have enjoyed Lauren Harris though. Anyway, there have only been two exceptions to that condition to date - Sepultura and Naturally Seven. Sepultura is a heavy-rock Brazilian band that I had never really listened to. But they were so energetic and powerful live, that I will never forget how they sweeped me into their world for a good hour. Naturally Seven opened for Michael Buble in Austin and their a capella talents just bedazzled us into a burst of appreciation. Buble, himself, was quite the entertainer. I saw Matchbox Twenty, Alanis Morrisette and Mutemath the day after Buble in Houston and Bon Jovi and Daughtry a month later in April in Dallas. Chris Daughtry had a bad throat so that kinda messed up his performance. Maroon 5 and Simple Plan were next in line in May. The former kicked ass and the latter weren't as bad as I thought they would be. Oh and I helped organize and watched Penn Masala peform at our univerisity in March too. Spring 2008 was truly a concert-filled semester.

I don't know if this is coincidence, but I always try catching a concert when I travel. I saw Keane in Bangkok and "Bedshaped", their greatest song, did officially send me into a delirium. I was super-lucky to catch Metallica in Madrid and this past winter '09 and I got squashed at an Arctic Monkeys concert in Wellington, New Zealand. It's awesome observing different crowds. From Spaniards singing Metallica songs with the weirdest accents/word-formations to the ridiculous knowledge that some Thai people possess about Keane, concerts are truly memorable in some way or the other. One real bad experience was when I tried to watch a concert intoxicated. I was buzzed and it seemed all okay until my bladder betrayed me. Friggin' alcohol triggers the bladder to the extent you just cannot hold it in, especially when your standing in the first row, constantly hitting the railing. I think the Metallica concert is the biggest one I have been too - nearly 40,000 people gathered to witness the metal legends. James Hetfield was brilliant.

On the other hand, Rap concerts don't work - not because I don't enjoy rap, but because there have to be "live" instruments at a "live" concert, not some DJ booth that generates all them louder-than-loud beats. I rather stick to my headphones-rap rather than some loud and obnoxious c-rap. Flo Rida was pretty pathetic. It was all about him ripping his shirt off, shagging champagne onto the largely naive audience, screaming rather than rapping and making a fool of himself. Cherish, who performed at the same show as Flo Rida, were even more disgraceful. They were hot, but a bunch of pretty girls singing their only "good"/popular song in a ridiculous fashion isn't really a turn-on or a source of entertainment.

I saw The Killers this last Tuesday and Coldplay back this last November. Coldplay were awesome, as expected. The Killers were umm, mehh. Mr Brightside, (my and many of my friends' high-school song) was good - that's about it though. They could have done so much more with their stuff. It was a good concert, but not great. Nickelback are coming to Texas soon but we felt guilty buying tickets to yet another concert, how much ever I was so ready to. Anyway, next time.

All this concert-watching has put me on the cover of one documentary - Global Metal. Oh and I also play a 0.76 second cameo in it. That's where the picture is from, try spotting me. So yes, the one thing I truly, truly enjoy with all my heart is a live concert. I will keep watching them as long as I can afford to watch them. You should try it too.

P.S. Have you been counting how many concerts I have watched? 40, if you were curious :).

New Zeal + New Zealand

Yes. I haven't blogged in a while. Apologies. I should be consistent. Yes. It's not that difficult. I know. But it's the will that struggles. Excuses, excuses, but let's sincerely hope that this is a new zeal.

I went to New Zealand this winter break! Yes, very cool indeed. My roommate is from New Zealand and I stayed with him and his family for a great five weeks. If they ever do come across this, I sincerely thank them for taking me in. It was an amazing vacation and we did a lot of cool things which you might not want me to rave and rant about. So, I'm gonna make a compromise and talk about just one thing - Bungee Jumping.

We reached "Gravity Canyon". It was somewhere in the middle of nowhere in this city/town-like place in the North Island called Taihape. An 87-meter tall bridge stood in front of us. People were spreading their arms apart and jumping off this bridge with a bungee attached to their feet. Some screamed and yelled and others were too cool for all that. They bounced and bobbled in mid-air and it almost seemed too crazy to be true. Yes, I was scared. But my heart wasn't beating as fast as I thought it would. 87 meters is a long way down, but it seemed safe. The people before me didn't bust their ankles nor did they land head first into the shallow water, killing themselves. That seemed to be comforting enough.

I was sitting somewhere on the bridge, all strapped up, ready to fall under the force of gravity. I looked down. It was a long long way down. I know Dad's scared of heights, but it didn't pass on to me. For some reason, I was more excited than scared and I was loving it. To me, it was my first ever moral victory. I was actually being half-brave, right? The safety officer gave me last minute instructions and did her last minute safety checks. Everything was fine. I stepped up to the jump board.

"Three, two, one...bungee!" she said.

I took a deep breath, spread my arms wide open, smiled and without a second thought, jumped into the open. The three seconds of free fall went away just like that. I then dangled and bounced in mid-air, spinning too many times, and still somehow enjoyed the extreme nature of what I had just done. I then lay their hanging; upside down with blood rushing to my head, yet embracing this truly unique opportunity, unquestionably happy that it had all gone well. I was lowered slowly and the fifty-seconds long experience was over, all too fast. My heart must have obviously been beating way too fast to process anything. Sometimes excessive adrenalin washes everything away, even something you want to remember. The free fall is not even a blur, it's just a feeling I really want to go back to. Not because I loved it or hated it, but because I don't remember it. It just went by too fast. The feeling of accomplishing this relatively daring act seemed to overwhelm the experience itself. I felt bloody good about myself, but on retrospection I feel slightly incomplete. I want to do it again. I need to do it again. And the next time I do it, I'm going to make it a point to remember the air thrashing against my face, the blood bubbling through my veins and the sheer joy of the thrill erupting in my head, or whatever it actually feels like.

I have videos and pictures but they don't translate anything. It's one of those unexplainable feelings that you have to experience to understand. I feel that even the greatest writer cannot explain the thrill, because it's only when the reader resonates with the writing does the piece of writing seem beautiful. If you've bungee jumped, you might be able to relate to this. If you haven't, you must, and then come and read it again. Technology has made something so ridiculously extreme, possible, and in that, almost trivial. Embrace it before it's too late.

P.S. I am going to upload the video on YouTube and will post the link up here when it's processed. I keep looking at it, trying to remember what exactly I must have felt when I was falling. It doesn't really help though.

The Truth Behind Movies

Most things in movies don't make sense. I guess that's the point of movies though - transcending into the unreal. Right. Life's not a movie how much ever we want it to be so why the hell do we love 'em so much? "entertainment" haha.

It's 4 in the morning and I am pretty intoxicated. Excuse the emotions.

P.S. My first iPhone post! Cool, eh?

Mumbai & India: A Passionate Discourse

BEFORE YOU WATCH:

Wait for it. Give the guy a little time to move into his passionate discourse and I'm sure you will keep listening, especially if you're an Indian.

AFTER YOU WATCH:

Do I support what he has to say? I don't know.
Does he have a point? I think so.
Is he being slightly hypocritical (because well he is only talking too)? Maybe
Does he speak well? Hell yeah.

P.S. I did not know how to react to this. My only reaction was that I wanted more people to hear him out and see how they react.

Food for Thought

So,
Do you want to save the world, make a difference, have an impact?
Or
Live your life?

I bet you are gonna say "both" - "Making an impact is my way of living life" or "I will live life for a bit and make a difference for a bit, you know, find the 'balance'."

Me? I'm still deciding. Or, I don't know.

P.S. This is not a cry to ask people to comment on my blog. It's just something that struck me, ironically, amidst all the "studying" that I am supposedly doing. So, it genuinely is meant to be food for thought amidst all your "studying".

BOMBay?

Every Indian blogger is going to or is already blogging about the tragic scenes in Mumbai. There is enough said and there are enough opinions fluttering around for me to add another. The government is being criticized, the terrorists are being feared even more, the people are uniting under the umbrella of devastation and everyone is wondering what the hell can we do to stop these bastards?

It's scary how a person can be convinced to kill, brutally. Obviously, that person has a strong conviction that what he is doing is the right thing. "Revenge is right." "It's for the greater good. Right?" WRONG. I just wonder what echos in their heads. Are these terrorists freaks? Are they brainwashed? Are they working for money? Are their families being held ransom? What the hell is driving them to do such crazy, mindless things? I'm a human too. I know what it feels like to feel anger, hatred, love and the other countless emotions. Yes, I've been brought up in a good household and have been provided with all the "luxuries" of life. But how much shit can they have gone through, and how much have they been brainwashed to kill? They mindlessly murder and enjoy the success - it's sickening. 

Human capacity is at times, unbelievable, especially when the world gets a devastating reminder. Be it 9/11, the London bombings or the countless attacks in India, it is beyond me how someone can live with themselves after killing. I'm naive, unexposed, unharmed - no doubt and I'm glad. I guess it's beyond me to truly understand what it takes to kill and what goes on behind it. I'm glad that I'm not going to kill.

But what do we do about these killers? Hunt them down and kill them? Slightly hypocritical? So, we should NOT kill them? But, how can we live with that? "Kill them bastards!" Right? Should we take things into our own hands? Or no wait, let the goverment handle it, right? But the government sucks balls, what can they really do about it? 

We naive, helpless, almost insignificant people light candles, pray, get worried, console those that have lost, get upset, change our status on FaceBook showing that we are praying. But, how much of this praying and lighting candles is going to actually make a difference? Yes, it might lift the ones that have been hurt, but is it going to stop them from getting hurt again?

So, what should we do? Join the army? Start our own armed anti-terrorist organization? Vote? Oh some would say we should do small things to make a small difference and the small differences will eventually sum up to become something bigger. It's all easily said and done, but how big is this "bigger thing"? 

I'm not being a skeptic nor am I trying to prove a point. Honestly, I don't have a purpose behind this post. I don't even want this to make sense to you. It's just something that's spinning in my head. I want to throw it out there and see who my mind resonates with.

P.S. It's a mad world. Listen to: Gary Jules - Mad World

Consumed By Time

I was in Portland, Oregan, away on work, for a whopping 5 days and only came back to Austin yesterday afternoon. It's about 6ish in the morning here in Austin and I have a presentation to give in exactly 6 hours on "same-sex marriages" (oh, the wonders of the free world). I have 2 mini-papers due tomorrow which I haven't really started. Right after my presentation today, we are heading down to Houston to catch the Coldplay concert. I have a mock interview on Thursday and then I am essentially free.

The house needs to be cleaned, the bills need to be paid and I need to communicate with my fellow Malpanis. My New Zealand visa has come through and I can't wait to hit the place under down under this winter. I still need to buy a bed, an iron and an iron-board. 4 out of 6 lights in of our little chandelier have gone bust and need to be replaced. There is a dire need to get groceries sorted out as there is literally no food at home. With Friday/Saturday comes a great desire to "party", get crunk and release everything that needs to be released. With Sunday comes a ton of meetings and the epiphany that I have a bunch of tests coming up that I haven't studied for.

Amidst all this, I really don't know why I'm blogging right now. There is no substance to this post and it has no real objective. It's about me and my life. But, that's the brilliance of having a blog. I can write absolutely anything and getaway with it.

P.S. Haha.

Sporty Depression

Arsenal lost to Stoke. Texas lost to Tech. Something like that can be so annoyingly depressing. Those loses essentially mean that I cannot visit any sports websites, besides maybe, cricinfo. But still, it's so so depressing.

It's kinda fascinating how something as pointless as a soccer game or football game can affect your life so much. Currently the entire of UT is drowned in this droop, this painful low, that could have easily gone the other way. If we had maybe made that interception with a minute to go, the general mood of the entire University of Texas right now would be quite different.

Recently, like the whole wide world, life's been a little crazy to say the least. Constructive, no doubt, but tiring too. It leaves you desiring timeless time, when you can just lie down and enjoy the nothingness of life. Someday.

I'm saying all this now, but I know I would be complaining even if I had nothing to do. It all comes back the the brilliant balance of life. Too bad it's always imbalanced.

P.S. Que tal?

Oh Lord.

A South Indian "Thriller" umm...imitation?

Crazy.

Enjoy.

P.S. Life's too busy to blog. Sucks :( Goli Maar!

Losing Wallets

This summer in Dubai, I tragically lost my oh-so-very-importnat wallet. All my IDs, a good Dhs 500 (approximately $135), a Dhs 250 Food Voucher and a bunch of important receipts all disappeared into the thick, polluted air of Dubai. Thanks to my mum's sensational forward thinking, I was not carrying my debit card, otherwise the tragedy would have indeed been more tragic.

Yes, it was indeed a tragedy. If not a legitimate one, it was definitely an emotional one. I felt truly miserable and ridiculously pathetic. The thought of getting my foreign IDs made again added to the misery. The Dhs. 750 I lost defined my ultimate guilty feeling. Yes, it was a very sad day.

Obviously, someone did find the wallet. They obviously took the money and with a slight feeling of guilty disposed of the Texas-customized leather wallet. But I hoped against hopes that that somebody would have the decency to somehow get in touch with me, and with a delightfully charming smile, deliver to me, my lost life. Maybe he could Facebook me: "Dude, found your wallet. Want it?" Hell, I'd rather he take the money, but at least return the IDs and my beloved Texas-customized wallet.

So for the next couple of days, I signed into Facebook with great hope in mankind and belief in humanity. It was pretty useless. The "Secret" wasn't working. Obviously.

Fastforward to last week: So I was at UT-Austin, preparing for an ISA event in the Jester Auditorium, when I came across a wallet. No, it wasn't mine. But it was this random girl's wallet. The memories of the summer tragedy came rushing back. Karma was testing me - I better have ignited it's positive stream. So, I did what the loser-guy-who-stole-my-wallet did not do. I facebooked the random girl and with the great sweetness that humans can sometimes express, I informed her about my discovery.

I did not steal the money - it was already stolen when I found it (not that I would have stolen it - Hey, I'm being good here). But, like a good little karmic soul, I returned the favor that was never ever showered on me.

This, now, obviously sets up a delicious platform for me to dive into some great philiosophical thoughts on philanthropy, humanity, life, principles and ethics. And I will. Maybe some other time though.

P.S. A random incident-post after a while - I know. I just wrote this to be half-constructive, but I am still confused as to what motivated me to write this in this greatly busy period.

Unbelievable

Watch this.
Drop your jaws.
Laugh.
Ridicule.
Discuss.
Have a stand.
Watch it again.
And laugh again.
And again.
Wow.
Unbelievable?

Nazar!

Nazar: A South Asian Perspective is an online magazine that has emerged from the University of Texas at Austin that gives an outsider's opinion about events and activities in South Asia.
It's not a news magazine, it's an opinion magazine. Have a look - www.nazaronline.net

I have kinda started writing for it.
My article is here.

Hope life's good.

P.S. I have finally experienced the power of alcohol. It's deathlike at its worst. Maybe when I conjure some courage to write about the "experience", I will.

Apartment!

So, on the 25th of August, 2008, Jason and I, officially moved into our apartment. Set a few blocks away from university, amidst a bunch of frat-houses, but still, in a surprisingly silent area, the apartment is probably the best thing that has happened to me since coming back to Texas.

Yes, the apartment is not convenient when it comes to distance from campus and is obviously incomparable to the ease of a downstairs cafeteria, but there is this certain other sense of holding that drowns all the negatives. Even though, I have eaten a lot of noodles and frozen meals during the past week, which has subsequently resulted in a uniquely over-enthusiastic digestive system (if you know what I mean), I feel that I have a place of my own, where I can do what I want and live how I want. That unexplainable feeling of independence is over-riding and blissfully satisfying. The fact that we have our own rooms also, obviously, helps a lot. A nice stereo system and a nicer television don't hurt either. It's a good feeling.

P.S. I just hope I have not spoken too soon. Time will tell.

Break?

I really don't know what to blog about.

I've somehow been caught between this desire to write and this fear of being too explicit. The latter has obviously gotten the better of me. No longer do I wish to dig into fascinating stories and rant out a strong opinion. Nor do I wish to indulge in metaphorically venting out on some heart-breaker of a girl. Neither do I have plans to unleash my thesis and resolve on the frustrations of life. It seems all too frugal. Writer's block? Or pure lethargy? It doesn't really matter.

Quite honestly, posts like these are excuses. Currently, I am swept in this rare moment of inspiration, where I just want to write. I just saw "The Great Debaters" - a decent movie, a decent script and Denzel directs it pretty efficiently. This blog also had something to do with irking my inspiration. Though it's ridiculously late, I really don't feel like sleeping. Facebook is powerful; until it gets nauseating. The desire to know more about friends back home encourages me to stalk blogs and scan through pictures.

Dubai was constructive, but depressing. Mum, Dad and my Sister were probably the only ones that made it worth a while. Texas, on the other hand, is refreshing.

You might have already read the apartment post.

Sweet.

P.S. Ignore the contradictions - it's my blog.

The Dark Light

I've really been enjoying movies lately.

Jaane Tu was surprisingly entertaining. Reminded me of me friends, it did. Watching it with Mum and Dad was equally charming. It was interesting that for once Bollywood made the ridiculous seem truly lovable and not annoyingly fake. It was a story being told and that made all the random bursting-into-songs understandable. Everyone apart from Genelia rocked. I loved Pappu yaar.

That obviously leads to the other movie I really enjoyed. There probably are a dozen million reviews of this movie all over the internet so I am not going to attempt to be another redundant addition. The Dark Knight is brilliant. Heath Ledger is legendary. His non-existence is tragic. Whether playing the Joker contributed to his death will always be debated, but the very fact that it could, is scary. The psychedelic Joker is truly powerful both in the movie and in the freakiness of the character. Ask Ali. All in all, like the world will probably tell you, if you don’t watch this movie and if you have anything against it, you suck.

The summer’s been crazy but not in the way that you’re thinking. It’s just been full of epiphanies. It started with Spain with my sister and my cousin. I finally realized how close I am to my sister and how much she means to me beyond just the blood relationship. Dubai was next. My parents re-instated how super cool they are. Mum’s food can never be surpassed. Dad’s greatness can never be appreciated enough. Work at TEN Sports has been a truly fruitful experience. Another change that I’ve come to accept is music-related. Good music is good music - doesn’t matter if it’s a part of your “favorite genre” or not. Amen Romit. Also, intoxication in controlled amounts is dazzling. I think too much. So getting the right amount of drunk makes me carefree and gives me the release that I sometimes really need. It’s a feel-good-don’t-give-a-shit feeling. I like.

But Dubai has its limits. I’m done with it for the summer. I can’t wait to get back to university. Also, New Zealand in winter (thanks Jason!). Good times.

P.S. Nothing P.S. worthy today.

Home

I hate Dubai but Home feels good. Mum, Dad and Sister are awesome. Rekindling the lost moments with friends is priceless. Losing yourself in the place where a lot of me was shaped is smile-worthy.

Life is friggin' hectic and I love it. Coming back to the old has helped me realise how I have changed over this past year. Meeting people but not deviating from career plans, and the sense of growth is very uplifting.

University is life-changing. It all boils down to what you make of it. You can either come back as an alcoholic, smoking stoner or as a level-headed, matured individual - it's fascinating. Re-igniting old friendships and catching up with people who you never expected to catch up with, is satisfying. Life's good - filter out the hatred and embrace the worthy.

Anyway it's late and I have nothing of great consequence to say, so I will take my leave.

P.S. Hope Netherlands demolishes everyone else. :) Screw you Ronaldo. MUHAHAHAH

Redial Entertainment Today

The five great souls that constitute Redial Entertainment are still alive, but scattered.

Harendra-ji is in Bombay, India enjoying university life like it should be, caught amidst his dreams, his passions and his recently shaved off afro.

Tejas-ji is in Pune, India, exploring "The Civil Cats" with his city neighbor Harendra-ji, trying to find his true education-calling; yet, staying faithful and connected to the film industry in some way or the other.

Ali-ji is in Toronto, Canada, playing CleopatraII (his guitar) better than ever, piercing, eating and studying Computer Science. Watch out for his guitar-skills - he just might become the next big thing. Remember then that you first heard of him here.

Romit-ji is also in Toronto, Canada, living his life to the fullest, becoming sexier than ever without disconnecting from anything he once treasured, which includes film-making.

I am in Austin, TX, USA, enjoying the independence like never before, getting involved wherever I can, and always staying connected to my passions of football (soccer), film-making and people.

Redial Entertainment will always unite us. Technically, it might just get revived and explore our greatest ambitions. Remember Ali, those ludacris-ly ambitious yet somewhat realistic dreams that we discussed of Redial Entertainment in those cab-rides back home?

Someday...maybe.

P.S. Visit http://redial-entertainment.blogspot.com for new updates and video.

Achieving

There were once 23 (+/- 2) extremely special, little, brown squirrels. They kept running around the University of Texas with only their commitment to a cause holding them together. They all had this yearning desire to spread their brown squirrel-ness among the other thousands of squirrels. The leader-squirrel was the most hardworking squirrel that the squirrel-community had ever seen, in addition to being unbelievably nice and super-unbelievably calm. The vice-leader squirrel was this tiny, cute, little, passionate thing – you’d probably never find a squirrel more principled in life, in addition to the tons of fun this squirrel could instigate. There were also two special-breed squirrels. One of them was the genetically-enhanced-by-the-Squirrel-God “U-squirrel” and the other was the genetically-modified-by-passion “S-squirrel”. Now these 2 special squirrels were like pioneers for the other extremely special, little, brown squirrels. They inspired, motivated, helped and guided these extremely special, little, brown squirrels through crisis and dilemmas. All in all, these 23 (+/- 2) extremely special, little, brown squirrels were a united bunch of squirrels, functioning together to pervade their brownness throughout the flora and fauna of the University of Texas.

These 23 (+/- 2) extremely special, little, brown squirrels hosted a cluster of events –from serving brown-squirrel-food on campus to hosting thousands of squirrels in the biggest of squirrel-run events. Oh, how these extremely special, little, brown squirrels slogged their extremely special, little, brown backsides off! All this did not obviously come without drama. There were fights, arguments, clashes of opinions, and cut-throat disagreements – oh, these little brown squirrels were feisty and passionate little creatures! But these clashes were always constructive, and in the end, the best won through, and all the differences seemed to evaporate. Instead, there was this binding brown-squirrel-love that ignited. And then, all these extremely special, little, brown squirrels were merry again.

This cycle of constructive clashes was what made these 23 (+/- 2) little, brown squirrels extremely special. But, one day, like a bolt from the blue, Zeus bolted upon these little, brown squirrels, a curse. Oh, how the thunder clouds trembled over these little, brown squirrels! They argued like there was no tomorrow, and they hit an all time emotional low - drama and controversy unparalleled. Life moved on and these 23 (+/- 2) little, brown squirrels limped ahead too. They did their duties, but seemed scarred. The brown-squirrel electricity seemed to have dropped by a few voltages. As, the year came towards end, these 23 (+/- 2) little, brown squirrels didn’t seem to feel the love.

However, amidst all this depression, something hidden under the squirrelly-covers erupted. The 23 (+/- 2) extremely special little, brown squirrels won the coveted title of being the “most outstanding” squirrel group in the University of Texas for all their efforts. All of a sudden, everything seemed worth it. All the stress, pain, anger and frustration fizzled out only to convert into this great feeling of pride. The extremely special, little, brown squirrels had achieved something of great consequence. There was this sense of deserved accomplishment among the squirrels, and for that moment, the fights and the personal riffs seemed irrelevant. There was this burning desire to celebrate and treasure the achievement.

Treasured, appreciated and celebrated, the moment soon transcended into bitter nostalgia. All the squirrels seemed to look beyond the differences, and seemed to be lost in the memories – the ups, the downs, the laughs, the cries, the fights, the love, the anger, the stress and above all, the squirrel-ly experience.

But, just like how all zeniths have a climax, these 23 (+/- 2) extremely special little, brown squirrels also reached a point of decision. Some of the squirrels felt that they had had enough of the rollercoaster and decided to walk away, satisfied with memories. Some squirrels decided to continue spreading the brown squirrel-ness that they had grown to love. Some squirrels left prematurely, heart-broken and unable to get over the past. Some were driven out and some just drifted away, in search of something different, satisfied with what they had experienced. But, all of these squirrels hoped that there would be new squirrels to take their place and continue spreading the brown-squirrel-ness and wished them the very best of luck. The squirrels realized that just like the American Economy, everything that has a boom also has a recession. They hoped that there wouldn’t be that much of a recession, but instead more of a transition – a replacement, a restart. No squirrel can deny how much the experience has taught them, probably more than any squirrelly book could. Accepting all of this, they ended their united chapter, and looked at starting new, separate, individual ones.

P.S. As the story-teller, I’d say this would make a pretty decent feature film. Anybody want to name the squirrels?

Dancing With The Girl

Long time, no blog? Yes sir – women, dances and a ton of university work. But besides that, between this post and the previous one, lies a phase of life that shouldn’t necessarily have happened but none the less, has enlightened my brain with quite a few pointers on life and women. Here’s the issue – I fall for the wrong girls. The nicer you are the less I am attracted to you. The more appropriate you are, the less I am attracted to you. The crazier you are, the more attracted I am to you. The more eccentrically messed up you are, the more I am attracted to you. I am attracted to those that fascinate me. Sounds good and all? Not really. The fascinating ones I am attracted to are the ones that screw me over. Intentionally or unintentionally? I don’t know - that makes it worse. Add that to my attachment issues and you get a bomb waiting to explode. Your friends warn you to STAY AWAY, and how much ever you respect their opinion, you do exactly the opposite. Hope + Hormones are powerful forces. The “chase” is even more powerful.

Now this “chase” is more than just stalking a random girl - that’s pure, hopeless, horny-ness. This “chase” is more hopeful. There is an undeniable “something”. That spark that you know exists is what makes it interesting. It’s not entirely one way. It might be dominated by one side, but that response from the other side is what sustains the “chase”. Then what gets added to the “chase” is this crazy mind game. Fun fun? No. I suck at mind games. I am too darn open and thus, always hand the leash to the other. I need to learn the game, or devise a new kick-ass one instead. This “chase” does sometime end and transcend into a more fruitful, stable phase, but at other times you get bulldozer-ed over. Either way, you cannot deny the pleasure of the pursuit.

I, like you, also, cannot deny the fun either. In this “chase” of mine, it wasn’t as if I was Mr Perfect and she messed up, I did some stupid things too (nothing unfaithful you drama-seeking mis-judgers). My over-emotional emotions got the better of my general emotions and I let those bastardic emotions control me. Not smart. I over-analyzed and over-thought everything. I over-said everything I felt. I was over-honest. None of that really works. What’s worse is that this situation made me say stupid, dramatic things. It unleashed this sense of immaturity that I thought didn’t exist in me. If I had ever seen someone else say the things I did say, I would have ridiculed that person’s bum off. I felt stupid and said stupid, immature, snappy, unreasonable, over-dramatic, attention-deriving things. That’s scary. But what I am super-scared of is the type of girls I am falling for. There was no real good reason to like this girl and I shouldn’t have. We are two extremes of the spectrum of humanity. We wouldn’t get along and were not getting along. But I did fall for her! I really hope it is some combination bad luck and hormones.

Anyway, “things” did happen and things did fall apart. All for the good, eh? I think so. My friends turned out to be right, and my counselor back in Dubai helped me take it all out in addition to showering her wise words of wisdom on me. My sister told me to buy this book and I told myself to try and never succumb to my emotions again. I regret some things I said and I regret some things that happened, but I learnt a ton. Good enough.

P.S. Maybe a little too personal, this post is not intended to harm anyone. Writing helps.

Nothingness

Spring break is here. Woot woot! Time to parttaaayy! Get those trunks and bikinis out y’all, it’s time to hit the beach! Let’s get high! Let’s crunk it up, hoe! Let’s do this, bro!

Not really.

I am in Dobie, doing nothing, and I am loving every moment of it. It’s this weird satisfaction that you get when no one’s telling you what to do. It’s this no-responsibility, no-liability, do-whatever-the-hell-you-want like phase. You sleep when you want, eat when you want, play when you want, listen to music when you want and do absolutely what you want to. It’s brilliant. I have no family member to be nice to or to respect, I have no chore to do that I don’t want to, I have nobody to force myself to talk to - I have nothing to do that I need to. It is pure freedom and it’s bloody brilliant.

The past year has been awesome, no doubt, but there comes a time when you really just want to sit down and do nothing. All my past life, there has been someone looking over or someone I owe a responsibility too or someone I feel I need to make happy – be it mum or dad, or a friend or some other family member. Not now, and it, for some reason feels very good. It’s not that I despise any of these people, it’s just that I am going through a much needed release - a removal of the load of maintaining yourself for the sake of others, a removal of all the unnecessary drama that I somehow get entangled in, a removal of all silly complications, and just a time to sit down and breathe. It’s a time to do a little introspection and think about nothing or everything. It’s a completely no-strings-attached reason to enjoy myself and my life, away from the people I am always surrounded by, away from the good and away from the bad.

I am not in any way saying that I want this situation to last forever. No, I’d go insane without people – without my friends, without family and without everyone who I care about. But, there comes a time when you need to be away from every single thing, when you need to be alone and lonely. This loneliness is not depressing - it’s mind-bogglingly fulfilling. For me, this is that time.

P.S. I don’t when I am gonna get sick of this feeling – maybe sooner than I can imagine. But right now, it’s beautiful, let me enjoy it.