"Calm is for wimps. Get real. Get stressed."
Some stress-increasing maneuvers:
- Choose friends you don't like.
- Be late. Always.
- Behave like a sardar...
- Go to the premiere of Casino Royale. Sit next to people. Talk loudly.
- On your way out of the cinema, discuss the end of Casino Royale loud enough for the world to hear.
- Record the sound of a dentist's drill. Play it at bedtime.
- Recognize your limitations. Then ignore them.
- Recognize other peoples' limitations. Then tell them what to do.
- Before reaching the paying counter of Carrefour, remove all the bar-codes of your shopping so they won't scan.
- If you can't do it, don't let others do it.
- The best policy - Be honest. All the time. With everyone. About everything.
- The better policy - Lie. All the time. To everyone. About everything.
- Practise rudeness, not just to make others feel bad, but also to make you feel bad about yourself. It's a win-win situation.
- Fart in confined spaces. But only if other people are present.
- Burp, and then say "Bless Me".
- Hear others burp, and then say "Bless You".
- Whine daily.
- Become a politician.
- Have Red Bull before going to bed.
- Never return things you borrow.
- Get a job writing junk mail.
- Blog about "how you open the bathroom door".
- Take credit for successes you have nothing to do with.
- Buy a multi-alarm clock. Set the alarm for every 30 minutes. Then go to sleep.
- HFZ - Make yourself a Humour Free Zone. If you ever find yourself laughing, go to the bathroom and get yourself together.
- Always borrow money from your friends. Forget or put off repaying them for as long as possible.
- Make study schedules you cannot keep up with.
- Leave everything to the last minute.
- At family get-togethers, start talking about the following: sex.
- Be a wet blanket.
- Write down your worries. Read the list before you go to bed.
- Learn to snore.
- Shout at people at least twice a day.
- Try your best to make every competitor know that you are licking ass to become a prefect.
- Buy shoes one size too small.
- Always criticize everyone's clothes.
- Become like Karan. (sorry, I am in the mood)
- Blame everyone else for your failure.
- Remember that there is absolutely no point in talking about someone behind their back unless they get to hear about it.
- Never have a bath.
- Forget brushing your teeth.
- Eat lots and lots of garlic, and then ask your crush for her number.
- Make rumours. Spread them.
- Intentionally fail in your exams.
- Join the "best" school.
- Try and enjoy the stress...
- Do you have any more of these?
P.S. Gone are the stress-free days so make use of the stress-ful ones. Most of the above quotes were taken from "The Little Book Of Stress" written by Rohan Candappa. One of the quotes in it is, " Take credit for successes you have nothing to do with." Thanks Rohan.
No offense intended.
16 comments:
48. Try pissing off footballers, especially football captains by saying, 'one tournament win and this much arrogance?'
49. If the footballer doesn't get angry the first time, make it a daily habit.
50. Comment on blogs under someone else's name.
51. ... then comment under your own name and criticize that unfortunate soul for his comments.
52. Call sisters of friends or 'bade bhaiyyas' a couple of years older than you 'aunty' or 'uncle'.
53. Come to school with unpolished shoes and uncombed hair ... then punish juniors for not wearing the proper uniform and threaten to call their parents for it.
54. Scream 'can I have silence in the hall' and then start chatting with a friend who is standing alongside.
55. While a teacher is dictating notes in class, prompt her to repeat the same thing over and over again.
56. If its someone's birthday, sing for them once every period.
57. Yawn to your heart's content when the chem teacher's back is turned on you. (Thats a stress RELIEVER)
58. As soon as you catch someone's eye, start whispering into the ear of someone alongside you.
59. Sign up for free newsletters, giving in someone known's email address.
60. Taunt truly talented people by calling them 'attention seekers'.
61. When someone calls you ... 'Can I ask you a doubt.' ... 'No.' ... 'Seriously man, please' ... 'No' .. and hang up.
62. Following 61, call back that person the day after the exam and ask him/her what the doubt was.
63. Ask a friend who lives 20 minutes away, and is in need of a notebook to come over and collect it from you ... but don't open the door. After that person has returned home, call that person and say 'Why didn't you come, I was waiting for you.' If that person wishes to come back for the book, depending upon your mood, try it again.
64. For each word your friend utters on the phone, repeat '(Say the word). What is (the word)? What does it really mean? How do we define it?'
65. In the middle of an exam, stretch your hands and utter an audible 'soooo simple'. Do this either only 1 hour into the exam or in the last five minutes when the person next to you is frantically trying to complete the paper.
66. Omit every alternate page of the exam booklet and ask for a supplement as often as possible. Then exit the hall and ask everyone 'how many pages?' ... 'Only? I used 72!!'
67. Use particularly offensive words in the 'make sentences' section of your English Language paper.
68. Watch a football match the night before the exam, when you have more than half the portion left.
69. Before every exam, ask people who you know haven't completed the portion 'how many revisions?'
Nice post! Enjoyed reading it and writing this comment, although I'm not sure all of them are 'stress increasers.'
GOVIND HAS TRULY MADE THIS POST HILARIOUS - dont knoe if it ws meant to be so..... sheesh man where the hell did u come up with all this u freak and that too u found time off from studying chem
fantastic:P:P:P
RESPECT govind! - and you ended on no 69...brilliant! the irony of it all..
blog on!
ello Anish! The book of stress! Genius! Specially no.19! become a politician!! Oh and i like the wya you slipped a bunch of your own! no.29 my personal favorite!heres a good one for you-70. STUDY!
Tentacular tripods!
OMG! BRILLIANT!
BY FAR THE BEST POST EVER IN THE WORLD OF THE LORD GOD!
GOVIND MARRY ME!
BRILLIANT ANISH!
Well Done Anish!!!
I don't like commenting but this one forces me too. Once upon a time I thought of 'Stress' as an evil but it's always going to be there so make friends with it. I completely agree---to counter stress---become like Karan (sorry).
Govind you've added loads humourous masala to this man...great job...and seriously your comment was a stress reliever.
Tejas--Shut up!!
71- Shout at your sublings for wasting time and not studying. Tell them how to be focused and how one should "strive for excellence" ( Excellence my foot). And then after advising them on how to manage their time...go watch a movie...shit..Chem exam!!
Bye!!
Brilliant Post!!
You too Govind!!
Shut up Tejas!!
oh yes. whoever govind is, will you be my jester?
i have something thats either a reliever or a stress maker.
when people online ask you
"what you doin'"
say "diggin my nose"
i love doing that.
oh and to increase stress levels in other people, go to a chick and say:
hey, u knw that guy you like? well i heard that....
um never mind. and then never tell her.
:D
annoying people rocks. specially stupid blonde bitches who steal boyfriends. sorry, um, personal matter creeped into comment.
Aloha Anish! Okay seriously , amazing post! We're all in the right mood to read it too! I have a few additions =)
70. Ask someone if they've heard a song (that they obviously haven’t), and then when they say they haven’t, say “Oh my goddddd!! You’re kidding right!?!?”
71. When they say they’ve heard it a few days later, say “Ewwwwwwww. I hate that song NOW. It's soo oldd”
72. Call a friend up, and keep talking to their parents, and telling them not to give the phone to the person.
73. Constantly repeat typical rap phrases like: "I got the hook up cuhhh" and "I know yous like my style" "Your girl can't do it like i can, I'm so hot i reject guys left and right, don't you want me" and other irritating things that make no phreaking sense.
74. When a friend is in your car, keep playing James Blunt CDs over and over and over again.
75. When someone’s trying to kiss you, and are right in front of you, blurt out that you feel like vomiting, and then say “nono, it’s okay. Where were we?”.
76. Keep interrupting a teacher every time they start explaining something you’ve asked about, saying you don’t ‘get it’. When they ask what you don’t ‘get’, start laughing and say ‘Ohhh! I get it now’.
77. Irritate the neighbors by constantly sneaking into their villa and pretending to steal their dog. (Something I’m dying to do right now :P)
78. When someones tailgating your car, and is getting really close, wait for them to look, and then pop up in the back seat and start making obscene faces. When they look away, keep irritating your Dad till he honks. (I’ve done this :P)
79. Annoy Sonia during revision time. (everyday :P ):D
80. Sit on your siblings while their sleeping and then say you didn’t see them, because it was dark, in the middle of the morning.
81. Start crying, blame someone. The flat out, start laughing.
82. (Tejas has said this many times before) Keep looking at a persons ears when you talk to them.
83. Call someone just to tell them you love them. A stress reliever, but in no way irritating.
There are so many more..! Awesome post, looking forward to the next one.
Tchuss!
nice post........Govind nice!! seriously u know how to bug people dun't u !!! Nice comment ... u seriously made all that up.....freak....go study
wateva the no. Annoy people
wateva the no.2 Annoy them more when they are asleep.
bjavqn
1. Start each comment with the word verification thing.
295. Tell Romit you know why ** cant become hm and then refuse to tell him why. Remind him about it every day.
937. Have Kaushik stop studying for half an hour, trying to guess who the four candidates are. At the end of it, refuse to say yes or no.
594. Write 40 pages for EVS exam on paper conservation.
more later... nice post
jsyaovvnu
490. U*e *** everywhere a*d anywhere
205. Tell people loads of stuff about the new campus and if they ask how (and why) you know, say Mr B told you.
947. Publicise your blog on Anish's blog (unmuktgoel.blogspot.com) :P
285. Stand outside class whenever you see Mr Arya in the corridoor
735. Go to Tejas and say 'It never happened' when Romit is standing right next to him.
699. Talk about school politics in eco class while sitting in the first row so that mrs B gets frustrated
...thinking....
my god!!!!!
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
REading this is SO stress releiving!!!!!!
buh bie:D
wat the hell is choti merbai?!?!?!
gpogmpp
HAHAHA!!!! AWESOME POSTS!!!! Hats off to Anish, Govind and Unmukt. And maybe Radhika :D
Just what Shweta said, this is SO stress relieving!!! HAH! The irony of it all!
Keep it up, and here's my contribution :
#**: Break someone's guitar string when they have band practise for a show.
(The person involved knows who I'm talking about :D)
hey
awesome post! the best stress reliever...lol
keep up the great work...anish,govind,unmukht,radhika
no additions..unfortunately (thinking, though)
adios for now
namrata
P.S. I'm still laughin...hahahahha :P
hahaah...Good Lord!! uve given a whole new meaning to stress!! pure genius...was hilarious and brilliantly put together...suddenly stress dusnt seem to be all that bad!!
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