31st January, 2007. Wow. School is finally over. Finally? Haha. No more of fighting with your sleep in the morning, no more of sitting in boring Chemistry classes, no more annoying sessions of prep, no more “punishments”, no more of “volcanoes” and other annoying people, no more of dealing with school politics, no more childish cat-fights and no more minor acts of homosexuality. That’s it. It’s all over - a hurdle crossed, a bar cleared, a mountain conquered, a story written, the Section A of “Life” is over. Wow. I should be happy and glad for my childhood prayers have been answered, right?
But then why is it suddenly so difficult to accept? I have been waiting for this moment (and of course, also for end March), and now that I am experiencing it, I just want to rewind, or relive, or continue in the same old cycle, with the same old people, enjoying the same old friendship, the same old flow of love (however corny that sounds), the same old sense of belonging, the same old same old. It’s difficult dealing with attachment, detachment seems almost impossible.
Today was full of contrasting emotions. First was pride. Our slightly younger peers, i.e Grade 11, blew me (us) away with a beautiful rendition of voices and passion. Then the hypocrisy seemed to seep in, not from them, but generally, and that left me wondering negatively. Loads of pictures, rehearsals, autographs (weirdly enough), hugs and smiles followed. I felt happy and sad. Happy for I would be running away from the wasteful and unnecessary politics and wrongness, and sad as I will not get to spend time with those genuine people that I have genuinely grown close to. Sad - more, for I will miss the pure stupidity that elated us, that moment of immaturity that broke my heart, only to mend itself into a stronger one and the pure respect and love that I and we received from those that saw well in us. From the subtle encouragement of our teachers, to some moments of their sheer brilliance, to their acceptance of our failure, to their respect for our honesty, to their company for our pleasure, to their guidance and support in times of our weakness – it just blows me away. There is so much good and bad, but to appreciate the good and learn from the bad is to make the most of what you get.
It is confusing, this emotion. I know I will miss school and that I will always have this un-destroyable desire to return to school, but at the same time I know I have to look beyond it and dive into the realms of what the future holds for me. I will miss our school and the people I have grown to love, but I will not forget them and those that have changed my life, and taught me it’s greatest lessons. I don’t need signed shirts to do that. I will forget the bad, and make my own soft hours to which I can turn to. This contradiction leaves me almost emotionless – I can’t believe there is no more school.
P.S. Attachment can be a source of annoyance, but it’s the greatest sustainer. Wow – now I am philosopher. Anyway, I still have 2 months of studying left, the before-party, the farewell dinner, the board exams, and the Sports Day to look forward too. Not quite completely over yet now, huh?
17 comments:
The day was weird!! I really don't know what to say .... I am almost emotionless! Neither am I sad nor am I happy!! Either it hasn't sunk in or I'm not really attached to school ..... whatever it is, I'm happy to just not think about it!! :S:S
Heyyy, Thanks for the compliment :) I'm glad you'll liked the song. I know this day had to come, theres a time for everyone to move on and suddenly, I can't seem to let go. You've been the strength and talent our school needed in order to grow. It's been great and school will be so different without you, I'll miss you guys. Thanks for making a difference
It's been a pleasure Anish, a pleasure to walk down the corridors of our gym, and see your faces, beaming with the pride that is attatched to your names, names that will not be forgotten. But more than the pleasure, there is the privelege. The privelege in the fact that we had the chance to be influenced by you. You ARE examples. And what examples. You have enlightened us by your very presence, and the things that you do everyday. And what a privelege it has been. We wish it would continue, but it can't and we must accept it. You (we) can see and mark the differences, the changes you have brought about in our school. And it came from you. That's the best part of it all. And WE, WE had the chance to learn, to grow, from you.
Here's a little something I wrote sometime back, and unworthy as it is, it's what I feel. And mean.
Embedded in history,
Plated in memory,
Lies your lives and those you've changed.
The lives and attitudes you've changed,
Without saying a word.
The names you bear,
Made home in our minds.
Our leaders, our angels, our heroes.
Your courage that influences our walks.
Your footprints,
Invisible yet inspiring,
Your words made a difference.
Friends.
Oh, I left out two words and a statement.
Thank you.
And in reply to your blog title, yes I do care. About you, About you leaving.
aw!that post brought tears to my eyes!its true.. u wait and wait for the day school will end.. and when it does.. ur not sure u want it anymore!It is scary in a way..because this is all we've known .. this is all we've done 18 years of our lives.. gone to school.. met our friends and teachers(and yeah, the learning bit too)..school is our comfort zone.. as lame as it might sound-it IS our second home,if not first!There were times when we were like wtf.. school is such a pain..but now its so damn hard to let go!
and anish-loved the line in the end..attachment is the greatest sustainer.. very deep and very true!
aw!that post brought tears to my eyes!its true.. u wait and wait for the day school will end.. and when it does.. ur not sure u want it anymore!It is scary in a way..because this is all we've known .. this is all we've done 18 years of our lives.. gone to school.. met our friends and teachers(and yeah, the learning bit too)..school is our comfort zone.. as lame as it might sound-it IS our second home,if not first!There were times when we were like wtf.. school is such a pain..but now its so damn hard to let go!
and anish-loved the line in the end..attachment is the greatest sustainer.. very deep and very true!
=) glad it meant so much to u anon.
Nishant - thank you so much for those kind words..
I am gonna miss you guys! :(
Hey Anish,
A very nice post! I think it will touch anyone who has enjoyed their experience in school. I had fun reading it, and it took me back a WHOLE four months( :D ) to my last day of school!
Always a pleasure...
You know how it is to read something that's similar to something I've read before, or rather something I'd say or write if I knew that it hadn't been said or written before. When this happens, I look out for whatever it is that forces me to read your latest post. In this case, this is it: "There is so much good and bad, but to appreciate the good and learn from the bad is to make the most of what you get."
What one gets remains worthless until it has been completely exploited. This is why I like to hold back before I complain or compliment and why I wait for the whole story to unfold before I judge. The bad and the good are equal in that they teach us the same amount. Some are blessed with a healthy mix of both, while most aren't. Either way, bottom line is that no matter how bad or good I think something is, everything turns out to be good because I eventually choose to learn from it. Sometimes it takes a long while, and at other times, I'm lucky.
Anish you couldn't have written this post better.
There will be many more occassions you will feel like this. But I think that if you had to stay in school any longer, it would probably have become intolerable.
When a chapter is closed, it marks the beginning of a new one. And the best bit is that you can always go back and re-live the memories of the old chapter.I can't believe that it has been 10 years since my last day in school. Memories are still vivid.
Wish you all good luck in your future endeavours.
Exactly. You really coudn't have written this post better. Anish! I've barely had five or six conversations but you've showed me what an amazing person you are. Without you I wouldn't have survived that month without music. You're just.. Wow. In school, everywhere. Your blog. I really respect you. Everyone does. School's just not gonna be the smae.
I heard you guys knocked the 14 year record btw! AMAZINNGG !! Congratss!
PS: You ended your post brilliantly. Hehehe! Anish the philosopher :P I
Aww...thanks Radhika. =)
Last year of school... always gets to you... good luck with everything!
having an elder sis, i kinda understand, ofcourse not totally...wen i come back from school and tell her my day, cursing abt the amount of homework or gettin r butts kicked by the teachers or joke abt my friends...she wud always say how she missed school, n how she missed being in such a proteted environment...she was in modern high fer quite while and happen 2 belong 2 the most notorious batch...nevertheless she always told me how her time in school was probably best time in her life and i hve 2 agree with her...watchin u guyz leave scares me, despite the fact that i still have 3 more yrs!! it must be a lot more than just scary, leaving school...but its over...the end, but definately with it, comes a new beginnig...i wish all the very best...i hvnt been here 2 watch all ur guyz acomplishments, i missed a few yrs in this weirdly but amazing school, but this past yr i realizd that this skewls losing a reely big part of it...but with ur batch leaving, in comes another bunch of 4rs joinin in...and so goes on the process...hopefully vll manage 2 live up 2 wat u guyz have done fer this skewl...uve definately left a mark here and in the end thats wat matters, i gess u can safely say that ur job here is done, but ofcourse theres still one thing im sure ur mostly lookin foward 2...the boardzz...:p...best of luck with that...
hey anish...over the period of time that ive gotten to know you ive realised what a greta person you are..every boy in our school wishes that someday they could be close to what anish malpani is..you have taught me so much and i will always cherish those moments..school will never be the same without you..thanks for being there..
I wish you all the best and hope you do well wherever you are!!
sk
aww thanks sk! =)
keep in touch - get facebook! :P
heyy anish ,
will miss you loads.. and all the best in the future . and do keep in touch.
-fatema
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