Saturday, January 27, 2007

"Love's Sweet Salute"


Movie: Salaam-e-Ishq
Length: 220 minutes = 3 hrs 40 mins
Feedback: Fake, 'Faltu' and Filmy

How long can a movie get? How pathetic can acting become? How boring can a feature film be? Salaam-e-Ishq answers all of the above questions more convincingly and satisfying-ly than any other film I have seen to date. It broke records - we actually walked out after the interval.

Why? It’s as if the God wanted to make a really bad film and thought of taking it out on Bollywood. “Inspired” from the classy English film ‘Love Actually’, Salaam-e-Ishq couldn’t go that wrong now could it? Well it did. Sprayed with “un-inspiring” songs and road-side acting, I cannot really point out any positives. Yes the caste seemed very impressive, but figure the following: Vidya Balan is not bad, but is un-pretty and fat; John Abraham is John “too-cool-but-fake-ironed-hair” Abraham; Salman Khan is the epitome of fake + annoying; Priyanka Chopra is fatter and fake-r than ever; Govinda is half decent, but annoying to people who have a general disgust for him; Anil Kapoor hardly speaks a word, but a random, hot, young girl kisses him on the cheek for doing her a small favour, and thus begins a desperate extra-marital wannabe love-affair; Akshaye Khanna is the best over-actor ever and Sohail Khan ridiculously just doesn’t ‘get’ any, but the car in which he is trying to “do it” does fall into his parents’ new house through the roof, but no one dies.

Basically, it was utter bullshit, which was not funny in any way, and this we figured after watching 90 minutes of it, only 130 minutes were left when we walked out. Now if 90 minutes can’t sustain you…

Fine, I guess a story can never, and should never go wrong when it comes to love, but this movie proves even that wrong. As an Aaj Tak reported put it, somewhere within the Fat Lady that is Salaam-e-Ishq, the Thin Lady is waiting to burst out, but the friggin’ flab is too much of an obstruction. I laughed a lot during this Fat Lady. I laughed at the crowd which laughed at the lamest of jokes, I laughed at the ridiculousness of the film, I laughed at Salman Khan for he is one funny pain-in-the-butt and I laughed at myself for paying 35 dirhams to watch this film.

So my advice – don’t you dare watch Salaam-e-Ishq. And if you do, please feel free to walk out whenever you wish. You can enjoy the sheer stupidity of it, but even that gets annoying after some time. To me, this movie is a definition of what not to make and what not to see, so if you are still trying to figure what that is, then it’s a must see.

P.S. It was my sister and my cousin who “forced” me to watch this film.

13 comments:

The Ego said...

Ooookaaayyy... I was thinking of going for this movie...but this sounds scary... will probably wait for more feedback from other guinea pigs!!!

ug said...

I think the saddest part is that movies you want to keep going on get over very fast, and those you can't bear stretch on and on.

I shall not get into an argument with anyone over Bollywood, but as a rule, I don't watch a Bollywood film unless it has superb reviews from everyone and is probably going to be sent for the oscars.

Oh, and DO NOT make the mistake of watching the new kBC with SRK..trust me!

Anonymous said...

The movie was a disappointment. After almost a month of V-India related hype, I never expected such nonsense.

However, Vidya Balan and Priyanka Chopra wern't/aren't fat, the jokes wern't always lame and not all the songs sucked.

Unmukt: What's wrong with SRK's KBC? He's doing it his style, I don't understand why people keep comparing him to the Fat Old Bachchan.

Anonymous said...

Referring to the previous blog entry:

Penn masala arent the only hindi acapella group. Theres another one composed of Stanford School students called "Raagapella"..
check em out at www.raagapella.com

Just thought it would be nice to know.
Over and out

-rajiv

Anonymous said...

i wish id read ur post before subjecting myself to that torture.....3 hrs and 45 mins DOWN THE DRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anish said...

Rajiv - sorry for the error.

Penn Masala is the first hindi a capella group. I have made the correction where required.

Thanks for the feedback.

Tejas said...

Wow.
Dude, I really wanted to see this movie, just because it was a copy of 'Love Actually'. I wanted to see what the Indian film industry would have done with it. I usually like Shankar, Ehsaan & Loy for there soundtracks.
However after the review...
Sigh.
Now please be forced into watching 'Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd.' another movie with a billion characters and issues; and tell me at which part you walked out.

Anonymous said...

wasit your fake and fat sister/cousin who made you watch this?

Unknown said...

Heyy,

lol...I kinda guessed the movie was 'overhyped'!! 'Anyhoo', at least now there's no doubt in my mind...and I won't regret not going for it! =P

btw, I think SRK has done a really good job with KBC. I don't see how we can even make a comparison. Amitabh Bachchan has had his chance to make an impact. It's time for this era's actors like Shah Rukh to take the stage and enjoy their career ;) AB's had his glory now let the other actors get a chance.

It's not that I don't respect Amitabh. In fact, he definitely did a great job on KBC. But, it still was a copy of BBC's 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'. There was nothing different about it. However, now SRK has brought on a whole new twist to the show. It's very different and apart from being informative is also a lot of fun to watch as well! I think he's doing a great job specially with all the pressure he's being put under! Kudos to you, Shah Rukh! Keep it up!;)

lol..sorry for the lonngg comment! =P Take care!

Peace!

Kaylias...out!

ug said...

Well my problem with the new KBC is that sRK sounds pretty much exactly like amitabh. In my opinion, he isn't doing it in his 'own' style but copying that of Bachan's.

Secondly, even though KBC is supposed to be a 'quiz' show it isn't exactly that. I mean, okay fine it is, and should be, different from any other random quiz show. However, watching every contestant hug SRK and propose to him or complement him on screen isn't the best way for e to spend an hour.

What is more is the immensely irritating gap between the question and answer and the whole 'freeze kiya jaye'. I think the show is very mediocre, even though it would appeal to a majority of the Indians who are fans of SRK and cant get enough of him. Well for anyone who can stand EKta Kapoor, this shouldn't be too hard.

And lastly,I don't think a question that asks you to arrange the characters of an Ekta Kapoor, Star TV show, in order of their age, can be termed as general knowledge!

Just my thoughts, your'e entitled to your own opinions ofcourse.

Unknown said...

I respect your opinion. However, comparing Bachan and SRK is like comparing Clint Eastwood or Al Pacino with someone like Christian Bale. There is just no need for it. They are actors of different times and are NOT competing. Christian Bale, if necessary, should be compared with the likes of Jake Gyllenhaal or Leonardo Dicaprio.

SRK is making it a little less formal and is actually making the effort to get to know his contestants. I think it is unfair to subject him to so much criticism and scrutiny. It's not like he kicked Bachan out. And, any person in their right mind would have taken up the offer to host KBC! lol!

Maybe he over did the 'freeze' bit, but, apart from that, I think he is doing a splendid job considering the circumstances. So, he's a bit shaky. He's just started off. Give the poor guy a break. And I'm not just saying this because I'm a fan. I geniunely believe he has brought something different and fresh to the show. The show is now more appealing to younger audiences. That can only be a good thing. And sometimes the questioins can be a little ridiculous. It creates a lighter mood. lol! ;)

Take care!

Peace!

Kaylias...out!

Nishant said...

Hmm.... I don't usually watch Bollywood movies anyway, but thanks for the info. The warning is appreciated. However, the ridicule in the post actually makes me want to see it... but I won't! Don't worry.

Ritesh said...

Thats a good one Anish!!
Thank you and I have no plans of seeing that film now. Saved 35 dhs ..cool!
The album is not that good. i bought the audio cd last week...although some songs don't bore, others seem to be a waste. I must say listening to the soundtrack of GURU is better..A.R. Rehman does a sober and different job than his previous composition of Rang De Basanti.
A lot of hype was created for the movie...10 crores have been spent on it's publicity. There was a Salaam-e-ishq fashion show in Mumbai where one of the actresses wore a dress worth 3.5 lakhs!! Insane!!!

Nikhil Advani tries to get through by his success--KAL HO NAA HO!! But that movie was under Karan Johar's inspection. Though Nikhil Advani has gone for the similar formula of making the look very amazing...he fails to probably deliver a good story. Unlike Karan Johar's production...I think the story does not hold the audience...and also I have heard that the screenplay is very weak and critics have found such editing errors in the film which were unexpected.

All in all ...I think it's gonna be the biggest failure!!